It’s not easy to turn $4 into $400. Even in Las Vegas.
But it helps if you start with around $75-$80. Which was what our hero bought in for on a weekend night. Unfortunately, it was a tough line-up and he did not run well. Nor play well.
A couple of hours later with a stack rapidly diminishing, he picks up Ad-9d and sees a flop of K-x-x with two diamonds. There’s a bet and a call, another bet and another call.
Our hero looks down and sees he has $4 left. The river brings the diamond 7. The antagonist furiously fires a last bet, which our hero calls with the immortal nuts but not enough chips left to raise.
He wins the pot and earns something else for his last $4 — a football square for Sunday.
Freshly armed with chips, our hero manages to win another pot (and a football square) with a full house. He wisely snatches what is now about $75, winks at the cocktail server and calls it a day.
But he returns on Sunday, a few minutes before the kickoff of the Dallas @ Philly game to see what numbers he has drawn in the football square contest. In the first one, there’s a 1 for Dallas and a 7 for Philly — not too bad. In the second one, there’s a 3 for Dallas and a 0 for Philly — also not too bad.
He then reloads for $75-$80 worth of chips and sits down to what might charitably called a checkered lineup: there’s a retired couple from the high-rise across the street, a regular wearing his Vikings shirt and a wild-eyed man who is already protesting a check that he should have thought was a bet because there was a hand holding chips over the line. A guy with a towering stack of chips is in the No. 1 hole and an agreeable, talkative woman sits down next to him in the No. 6 seat.
Our hero doesn’t get off to auspicious start and manages to lose about 30 percent of his chip stack quickly.
But then eyeing some rapidly folding hands in front of him, he tosses in a raise with Ah-9h. The flop brings two diamonds and no aces nor nines, but he continuation-bets anyway.
The wild-eyed man calls and Mr. Towering Stack calls. The turn is a black 9, and our hero fires again. We lose Mr. T.S., but the wild-eyed man quickly calls.
The river bricks. Nothing. No ace, no 9, but no diamond either. The wild-eyed man quickly bets out. By now, the board is tightly sequenced and offers hints of a straight.
But it’s a nice pot and our hero knows nothing of the wild-eyed man except he’s, well, wild. He calls and the guy turns up Kd-4d for a busted flush draw.
The pair of 9s is a winner, and we peek at the TV to see Dallas has taken a 3-0 lead on Philly. That’s good for our football square, but it’s way early in the first quarter.
Our hero takes another pot with pocket rockets when Mr. T.S. calls a pre-flop raise. The flip is medium connectors and the turn is a 10, and Mr. T.S. leads out. Hmmm.
But our hero, suspicious of anything, calls. The river is a king, and Mr. T.S. checks and folds to a bet.
He says he’s convinced he had the pot until the king fell, which means he thought I had raised with A-K.
Looking up at the TV monitor, the first quarter is winding down with Dallas still hanging on, 3-0.
Could we actually win a square?
Our hero, temporarily distracted by the game, looks at a hand, limps in, and tucks it under a chip.
The flop comes down 5-9-6 rainbow — and the first quarter has ended with Dallas up 3-0. It’s a $50 square but a carryover from the previous week and now worth twice that.
But our hero looks down at the flop and tries to remember what he had. He’s instantly dazed and has to look. Yes, it’s 8-7. It’s also in clubs, but the rainbow flop is missing a club.
The agreeable woman checks, and our hero slides out a bet. Mr. T.S., true to his M.O., raises and the agreeable woman calls. Our hero goes into attack mode and three-bets. And Mr. T.S. also raises, the agreeable woman calls. There’s one more raise left when it gets back to him so he pops it.
What do these people have? Well let’s guess somebody also has 8-7 and somebody has a set of 9s, 6s or 5s. Unless the board pairs, that person will be the odd person out in a split pot.
The pot is already large and we haven’t seen the turn, which turns out to be the spade deuce, now putting a flush draw on board.
Our hero leads out regardless and the raises are capped again.
So we dash off to the river and an 8 falls, counterfeiting the 8 in our hero’s hand and making 10-7 the immortal nuts. The likelihood of a split pot — maybe even three ways — seems likely, but our hero bets one more time. And it goes call, call.
No one is turning up a hand so our hero tables the 8-7 and says, “I’ve got a straight.”
Mr. T.S. looks at the board impassively for a second or two, then mucks. The agreeable woman turns up pocket 5s and bemoans her luck.
The dealer pushes massive stacks of chips toward our hero, who tips the dealer a redbird and some change.
And meanwhile, Dallas is still leading Philly at the end of the second quarter but kicks a field goal to make it 6-0, awarding a square to somebody else.
We play a few hands but the hot streak and the feverish gambling is over. Our hero racks up some chips, pockets four green chips for the square and calls it a day.
Afterall, there’s an appointment at the phone store and some grocery shopping to do. But we tune in the game on the way home and Dallas has implausibly returned a blocked punt, scored a touchdown and kicked a 33-yard extra point. Which makes it 13-0.
Or 3-0 again if you’ve got that particular football square. “It’s early in the third quarter,” the radio guys are saying. So what are the chances this score holds?
Our hero runs an errand, but midway through the third quarter returns to the scene of the crime. It’s still 13-0. He watches a bit, then with a minute left walks back to the card room.
A dealer recognizes him and knows what’s going on.
“Do you have to be in a game?” our hero asks.
The answer is yes.
“Well, then put me on the list!” he says.
In fact, there is a seat open. In fact, it is the same No. 7 seat, and the lineup is virtually unchanged.
The agreeable woman has pulled up stakes but Mr. T.S. is still there, his stack slightly reduced.
We buy two stacks of chips, folds a few hands — and the third quarter ends, 13-0.
He waits for two supervisors in a shift change to count down the drawer that contains maybe $30K in chips and cash.
“You again?” the outgoing supervisors asks.
But we collect four more more greenies and sign the appropriate paperwork.
The Eagles quickly kick a field goal to start the fourth quarter to make it 13-3, thereby making it highly unlikely that either of the squares will pay again at the end of the game.
So this time, our hero really does head for the ranch, very happy for a fun Sunday — and a square deal in Las Vegas.
